Levels Of Arousal
Overcoming a lack of orgasm in men sometimes involves an approach which is intended to encourage the man to relax his self-control and respond more to foreplay and stimulation so he becomes more sexually aroused.
If you are a man who is unable to ejaculate during sexual intercourse, because you aren’t sufficiently aroused, then anything which helps you become more aroused during loveplay or foreplay will help you ejaculate more easily during lovemaking and intercourse.
In working with your slow ejaculation you may want to build on your current level of sexual arousal by using techniques to increase arousal and desire.
In essence, it’s about finding ways to stimulate yourself with sexual fantasies and physical touch.
Discover how to get more aroused, more easily… and help yourself get over delayed ejaculation….and if you’re a girl and your boyfriend can’t orgasm, why not direct him to the treatment program on this website?
Exercises designed to arouse you work for many men, and they can also help you relinquish a need for control during sex. Also, techniques to desensitize you from whatever has become your usual method of becoming aroused would also be useful. (That’s often hard and fast hand movements during self-stimulation.)
If you can’t climax during sex….
Build on what is possible now….
Suppose you can’t cum with a partner. Perhaps you can only ejaculate when your partner is in another room.
If so, then that has to be the starting point for your progression towards “normal” sex and easy ejaculation.
The next step might be to have your partner in the room, but some distance away as you self-pleasure and stimulate yourself.
A series of additional steps might end with you reaching orgasm in the close presence of your partner, and then trying vaginal intercourse just before you ejaculate.
All of this takes place in ideal conditions. You need to be selfish, i.e more concerned with your own welfare than your partner’s, as you retrain your sexual responses, and you need to be able to “take” without being over-concerned about “giving” to your partner.
You must only try intercourse when you are sufficiently aroused to stand a good chance of reaching orgasm. Having an erection may not be enough! (We look at the reasons why a man might appear to be aroused but in fact unable to “finish” elsewhere on the site.)
It’s also helpful for to work through any feelings of guilt, hostility or anger towards your partner that might be part of the problem.
Many men with orgasmic difficulties think they should be more giving, but in reality are often unable to take, so any treatment should work to help you be more selfish during sex, to be more demanding, and to ask for more stimulation of the right kind that will enable you to become more aroused.
This is all about seeking out your own pleasure.
Because when you have delayed ejaculation, there’s not a lot of systematic research or data available regarding the outcome of any kind of therapy treatments.
What we do know is that counselling or psychotherapy can really help a man to overcome delayed ejaculation and male orgasm problems.
We also know a man must be willing to look at the deeper psychological issues around sex and also at the nature and quality of his relationship with his partner.
Psychotherapy & sensate focus
The usual treatment adopted for delayed ejaculation is around reducing performance anxiety and having a high level of sexual self-confidence.
Your self-critical internal observer needs to be disempowered, so you can fully engage in sexual activity with your whole presence (emotional, physical and spiritual).
This lets you focus on the sensations you’re experiencing in the moment, and not on the achievement of orgasm.
Then, you can reduce your anxiety about achieving orgasm, and enjoy sexual pleasure from caressing and stimulation.
The only effective treatment methodology I’m aware of which encompasses these objectives is sensate focus. This ensures that you are more in connection with your own body, more aware of your own arousal, and more relaxed with your partner.
Anal and Genital Stimulation
As we mentioned above, a good treatment approach for delayed ejaculation is simply to receive more physical stimulation so you can reach orgasm more easily.
So you may wish to try increasing physical stimulation of the sexual and genital areas, including the scrotum, penis, perineum, and anus. One exciting way to do this is to use an anal stimulation sex toy. And another potentially exciting method of increasing your arousal is prostate stimulation, which can be great for all concerned!
Change The Way You Masturbate
How about learning to masturbate with a different focus? If you can achieve orgasm during masturbation, how about sharing the experience with your partner?
Or how about having her stimulate your penis while you stay in a mental space where you simply enjoy the sensations of stimulation and arousal without any conscious attempt to reach orgasm?
The idea is to go through several cycles of stimulation and relaxation without any orgasm and ejaculation.
So, if you happen to approach the point of no return, you can discontinue stimulation and relax until your arousal has dropped, and then restart.
This may help you to achieve orgasm more easily because it takes away performance pressure. You may even find that you are unable to prevent yourself from having an orgasm during sexual stimulation at some point in the future.
When you reach orgasm the “therapy” is adapted so that you enjoy an orgasm only when you feel it’s going to happen despite a lack of intention on your part. Again, no performance pressure, you see!