Why So Slow In Reaching Orgasm?
Delays in ejaculation may mean a man is slow to reach (or cannot reach) his point of no return – that’s the moment when he knows he is going to ejaculate and nothing can stop him doing so.
Just why do some men have difficulty reaching the point of no return during sexual arousal? That’s what thisDELAY problem is all about.
The point of no return is also called the point ofejaculatory inevitability.
As I said, that’s where you know you are going to come – and nothing will stop it.
The automatic ejaculation reflex should be triggered at a certain point in your sexual arousal, but men with delayed ejaculation somehow never quite get there…..
We tend to think of men as always ready to have sex, and as ejaculation as easy….. but, as you know, sometimes it can be extremely hard to come.
Needless to say, delays in ejaculation – or no ejaculation at all – can leave both partners unhappy. man and woman unfulfilled.
We live in a culture in which ways to control male climax are openly discussed, and medications are freely available for this problem.
There’s no problem explaining rapid or premature ejaculation: it’s usually emotional in origin – in other words, it’s caused by fear, anger, sexual shame, guilt, and so on. (See this if you want more information on premature ejaculation.)
But it may be harder to find an emotional and psychological framework for the difficulty and slowness some men have around ejaculating.
In other words, why do some men have difficulty reaching orgasm?
Here’s a video which goes some way to explaining it.
Common sense suggests that men who ejaculate prematurely are too aroused, too quickly. Could this possibly mean, therefore, that men who have delayed ejaculation (DE for short) are not aroused enough?
There certainly seems to be a lot of evidence to support this idea.
If it’s correct, however, then we need to explain why men with DE often have a hard and long-lasting erection.
I mean, an erection is often a sign of a state of high arousal in men.
Another viewpoint is that maybe that some men are just inherently less sensitive to sexual stimulation, and they simply never reach a point of arousal at which their ejaculatory reflex is triggered.
You can probably see already that the causes of this sexual dysfunction are naturally dividing into two categories: the psychological causes, and the physical causes.
The truth is, of course, that both physical and psychological issues could be at work in the origins of delayed ejaculation, and much remains to be investigated.
Nonetheless, it’s possible to divide the causes into two broad categories: psychological and physical. Within each of these categories there are a number of other categories which look like this:
Click on the green links below for more information.
Psychological causes of ejaculation problems
- relationship issues – where DE is somehow a physical expression of the emotional state of the relationship
- psychodynamic issues – where delays in ejaculating are some kind of emotional or sexual inhibition which comes from psychological issues about, say, loss of control, or hostility, anger, shame, fear or guilt, or deep-rooted conflicts about sex
- low sexual arousal — where a slow ejaculation is the product of not really being aroused, but having an “automatic” erection without any real arousal
- idiosyncratic masturbation techniques — which are generally seen in men who learned to masturbate using a hard and high-frequency / high friction method of masturbation, sometimes without touching the penis and using some other object to stimulate it
- neurobiological causes — where DE is caused by some aspect of brain chemistry (serotonin levels in particular)
- penile sensitivity — where a man’s slow ejaculation might be due to a lack of physical sensitivity of his penis
- neurological issues — although less likely, it’s also possible that delays in ejaculating are due to a failure of nerve cell circuitry, either in the peripheral nerves of the genital area, in the spinal column, or in the neural circuits of the brain responsible for orgasm.
- And because ejaculation and orgasm are two separate events, one being a reflex mediated through the spinal column, and the other being an experience of pleasurable sensations resulting from neural activity in the brain, they don’t necessarily have to happen together.
But Is Your Speed Of Ejaculation Normal?
Sometimes these factors, and also others not mentioned here, may be playing a part in the slow or late ejaculations you’re having…. but….
Another possibility, according to some therapists, is that there is nothing abnormal about this problem.
They say ejaculation times in the human population naturally occupy a range from one extreme to another, generally in the shape of a normal distribution – which you can see below.
The IELT – intra-vaginal ejaculatory latency time – is the time between penetration and ejaculation.
In this case, men with delayed ejaculation are seen as one end of a normal distribution, the other end being characterized by men with rapid or premature ejaculation.
Men with normal ejaculatory latency (the time between penetration and ejaculation) are in the middle of the normal distribution.
These men do not consider themselves to have any difficulty in maintaining intercourse for reasonable duration, which may last from as little as 3 minutes to as long as 9 minutes of intercourse before ejaculation.
If you look at this graph, you can see about 10% of men have what might be called delayed ejaculation.
Needless to say, the causes may have a significant bearing on the treatment strategy that is adopted to cure it.
However, as we shall see, most treatment protocols are aimed at direct intervention where possible, such as relationship therapy.
This is actually because medical intervention to alter the sensitivity of the penis, the activity of neuronal circuitry, or the ejaculation reflex, is simply not possible.
What is possible, as part of any treatment, is altering the sexual behavior of a man or his partner (or both), so that he receives more sexual stimulation and is able to ejaculate more easily.