But while a lot of women are dismayed by premature ejaculation (PE), it’s a mistake to think of the opposite condition – delayed ejaculation (DE) – as some kind of great lovemaking technique.
In fact, the truth is that long lasting intercourse caused by DE can be just as distressing for a woman as very short lived intercourse caused by PE. And being with a man who can’t climax during intercourse can make a woman feel physically sore, and psychologically unattractive.
So while a woman might think that delayed ejaculation symptoms are something she’d like to have in her man’s lovemaking repertoire, the truth is that the reality can be distressing. For example, a woman may even begin to think her man’s problems might be her fault.
So if you’re a woman whose man is having problems ejaculating, and you’re not experiencing the delights of him coming inside your mouth or vagina, please remember it’s not your fault.
You see, his problem is caused by him not being turned on, and most likely this has nothing to do with you.
What Is Delayed Ejaculation?
Well, to start with, there is no clear definition – but I think we can say with confidence that if a man’s taking more than 15 minutes to finish during lovemaking he’s probably suffering from delayed ejaculation.
And if he’s taking more than 30 minutes, then he’s definitely got a problem. And so have you, of course.
Now this is no fun, no matter how desirable it might sound. There’s almost always pressure on the relationship, which can even make a couple reluctant to have sex at all.
Because if he finishes with a sore penis, and you end up with a sore vagina, and you both can get bored, what’s the point?
Well, of course the point is that the survival of your relationship might depend on you both having a good sexual relationship with each other.
1 The Physical Causes
There are a lot of medications on the market which interfere with a man’s capacity to reach orgasm and ejaculate normally. These include SSRI antidepressants like Prozac and Paxil, and other medications used to treat anxiety like Xanax and Valium.
Another category of medication which can make a man last forever without being able to “come” (or “cum”) is antipsychotic medication.
Other drugs which have similar effects include blood pressure medications and anti-convulsive medications, as well as Statins and many other drugs. These can all stop a man ejaculating, or ensure that he lasts a long time before climax (but not in a good way!)
One option is to switch to medications reputed to have fewer side-effects like Wellbutrin. But the truth is that some of these medications are vital for your well-being, and it’s not worth the risk of stopping or changing them.
In this case, perhaps a couple could take a different attitude? For example, how about changing the approach…. as a woman, if you can’t make your husband climax any more, maybe there’s no point trying, and you should simply go for the feeling of connection and intimacy which comes from penile penetration, but without the expectation of orgasm?
Or, if you are a man, how about simply using hand stimulation to achieve climax and enjoying penetration for it’s own sake?
2 Anxiety and Depression – And Other Emotional Stress – The Psychological Causes
Although it seems strange, some emotional conditions often seem to cause male anorgasmia (absence of orgasm).
Obviously when a man is sexually aroused and simply cannot ejaculate, there might be nothing you can do about this.
In such cases, counselling or some other kind of psychological therapy may be needed. This isn’t just about the quality of your sex life, it’s about the quality of your relationship and enjoying a satisfying sex life.
3 Other Medical Conditions
If your man is sexually aroused but still doesn’t reach orgasm, it’s worth considering whether or not there might be some other medical issue involved in the problem.
There are some conditions like urinary tract infections and antibiotics which might stop ejaculation. And sometimes ejaculatory delay is the symptom of a condition like multiple sclerosis, diabetes or maybe even hypothyroidism.
This isn’t a reason to panic – it’s just a reason to check out whether there’s something else going on that’s causing the problem.
As far as psychological issues are concerned, sometimes overcoming ejaculation problems is all about overcoming performance anxiety or the fear of not being good enough in bed.
Men with penile abnormalities like hypospadias, or testicular problems, or even – regrettably – men with a small penis, may fear exposing themselves in a sexual situation, and the anxiety this produces can cause emotional hangups which get in the way of a man reaching the finishing line while all around him are charging over it.
There are other problems too: anger or resentment towards a sexual partner, or perhaps even latent homosexuality. But don’t assume this is the cause of your delayed ejaculation (DE) or your man’s DE before examining the simpler and more obvious possibilities.
For example, perhaps your relationship’s in trouble? If so, you might need to see a relationship therapist or engage in some serious straight talking about how you feel.
As Shakespeare said, it increases the desire but reduces the ability – although he didn’t put it quite so politely! One cause of a man who has lost his mojo is drinking too much – it does cause problems in this area.
5 Masturbation Technique
A lot of guys who can’t come can trace their trouble with ejaculation right back to problems with adolescent masturbation.
In other words, they probably learned to masturbate with a hard or harsh technique which involved a lot of pressure and speed on the penis, either with their hand or by thrusting against the mattress in bed.
Even into adulthood some men who find it challenging to ejaculate during sex with a woman still use this method of masturbation. So if you or your man has difficulty coming during intercourse, it may be worth thinking about how he brings himself off when he’s on his own.
The heavy duty masturbation style a lot of men employ can cause serious sexual dysfunction, and that level of pressure can’t be replicated by either a mouth or vagina, or even a woman’s hand.
To overcome delayed ejaculation, a man must train his penis and body to respond to less pressure and feel more sensitivity.