Prescription, Porn, Perceptions

More Causes of Delayed Ejaculation

Read more about the physical causes of delayed ejaculation here and here.

Ian Kerner is a sex therapist who’s written a great deal about how men can pleasure women in bed. And that’s great, because many men still don’t know how to bring a woman to orgasm (click here to find out!)

But now, Kerner has turned his attention to men who have difficulty reaching orgasm and ejaculating. 

In a conversation with sex therapist colleague Michael Perelman, Kerner outlined his thoughts about the causes of delayed ejaculation.

First up, then, is the use of:

SSRI antidepressants such as Prozac, Zoloft and Paxil.

And Kerner’s absolutely right – these drugs can certainly stop a man coming any time soon.  (But many other medicines do the same. Are you taking anything prescribed by your doctor?)

Sometimes anti-depressants greatly increase the time to ejaculation, sometimes they stop it altogether. Kerner says these drugs are one of the main reasons for the recent increase in men with problems reaching climax.

Maybe. To be sure, we’d need to compare the increase in prescriptions for these SSRI antidepressants and the increase in delayed ejaculation over the same period of time. I don’t think anybody’s done that.

However, we do know that more men are seeing doctors for delayed ejaculation, and we also know there’s been a dramatic rise in the number of SSRI antidepressants being prescribed.

Like I said, that does not necessarily mean the two things are linked; it could just be that more men are finding the courage to talk about delayed ejaculation.

Even so, we do know that SSRI antidepressants can interfere with sexual function, and if you’re on these drugs, or for that matter any prescription drugs, go and see your doctor. You may find there’s an alternative medicine which will allow you to ejaculate normally.

Next Kerner talks about something even more controversial:

Internet Porn & Male Sexual Dysfunction

internet porn and delayed ejaculation
Does Internet Porn cause delayed ejaculation?

I’d go so far as to say all the men I know are using Internet porn. I know that many like using it and feel guilty about it, but they still use it. So what, you may ask?

What if porn use means you can’t come so easily during intercourse? What then?

But, you may ask, how on earth could porn use be related to delayed ejaculation?

Well, the truth is this: easy access to porn can “divert” a man’s attention from sex with a partner to solo masturbation. And a lot of masturbation makes it harder to reach orgasm with a partner.

But there is another reason too: with so many intense varieties of porn available, the brain adapts to a high level of stimulation.

So have you found that porn gets you more aroused than being with your partner? Hmm… makes you think, doesn’t it? You see the point?

Video – porn and male dysfunction

When you have porn of such extreme kinds available on the Internet, real-life sex can look a bit, well, boring. In fact, porn can stop you reaching high levels of sexual arousal with a real person.

Another factor in play here is that men  who watch porn a lot tend to become “disconnected” (emotionally, that is) from real-life sex partners.

They find there just isn’t enough stimulation with a real partner to make them reach a high enough level of arousal to ejaculate.

And while we’re on the subject of mental distraction, let’s not forget that stress of all kinds can cause ejaculation problems.

Believe it or not, men who are anxious about the economy, job loss, or under financial pressure, seem to experience more delayed ejaculation than other men.

Stress of any kind kills sexual desire.

In addition, of course,  delayed ejaculation is becoming more widely known because it’s becoming more widely talked about.

Other Causes Of Male Sexual Dysfunction

Bizarrely enough, it turns out that Viagra and similar medications have a role to play.

You might have thought they were just about getting an erection. And so they are, but the point is that once a man’s got an erection, he might conclude he’s turned on enough to have sex.

In fact, having an erection might mean you’re physically aroused, but it doesn’t mean that you’re emotionally or psychologically aroused, and it certainly doesn’t mean that if you start having sex you can ejaculate any time soon.

As you know, you gotta get aroused in your mind as well as your body before you can come.

Feelings, Emotions and Delays In Achieving Sexual Pleasure

It’s no surprise that your emotions are extremely important in causing DE.

To take only one example of this, religions that have strict laws and conventions about sexuality — including masturbation and sex outside marriage — have the effect of stopping men (and women) from learning about how to get sexual pleasure.

Religious teachings may also make men and women alike feel guilty about sexual self-expression, even when it’s a natural time for a person to become sexually active.

And shame and guilt caused by religious fundamentalism or religious orthodoxy can stop a man fully engaging with his sexuality or with the experience of sex. The resulting low level of arousal means no or slow ejaculation.

But of course shame and guilt around sex don’t necessarily come from a religious upbringing; they can come from an upbringing where sex was disapproved of, or seen as shameful, or where there was some other taboo or problem around sex — and that includes sexual abuse.

What Does DE Mean To You?

Whatever you feel about the idea of ejaculating inside a woman during intercourse, it is the natural outcome of sex, and that in turn is a very natural aspect of being a man.

So if you can’t reach orgasm during intercourse, and/or you find the idea uncomfortable, then it’s quite reasonable to assume that something, somewhere along the line, went a little bit wrong with your sexual experience.

The object of treatment is to put that right. The good news is you don’t need to delve deeply into your past and figure out every bad experience you ever had: instead you can use some simple techniques that give you the capacity to enjoy sex right now.

Even better, opening up to the pleasure of sex will actually “release” you from the hold that any past negative experiences still have over you.

And that’s really helpful if you prefer sex on your own (aka masturbation) to sex with a partner, or if you find aspects of the female body distasteful.

We’re talking about vaginal aversion, to be exact….. and while this isn’t a problem for all men with DE, it is a problem for some, and it needs to be acknowledged and dealt with.

The good news is there’s a simple enough way of sorting it out, regardless of the cause.

You might have difficulty ejaculating because when you were a teenager you learned to masturbate using hard pressure and fast movements on your penis, perhaps by thrusting against the bed, so that now you can never get enough stimulation during intercourse to reach the point of ejaculation.

It’s also possible that if you have a slow ejaculation you were brought up by parents or carers who found sex disgusting, shameful, or negative in some other way.

Inevitably you would have incorporated those attitudes into your own way of looking at sex, and as a result you might have some inhibitions that hold you back from really enjoying intercourse.

I’ve heard a lot of stories from men who’ve had bad experiences with women in their childhood, and who as a result find it very difficult to trust women.

Since sex is one of the most intimate things that two people can do, it’s no wonder that men who have good reason not to trust women find sex difficult.

That moment of orgasm, when you let yourself go, when you lose control, requires a great deal of trust in your partner.

Don’t worry, though, because of if this applies to you, trust can be rebuilt.

Unfortunately it’s also true that some men don’t want to have sex with their partner because they feel detached, angry, hostile, unappreciated, distant, unattracted or even repelled by her…. and of course there are many other words you could end that sentence with. Choose your own!

So a vital part of getting over retarded ejaculation is dealing with any relationship challenges you may have.

There’s a lot of information in my treatment program about how to do this, just read the sections that seem most relevant to you.

Of course, it’s more of a self-help program than a formal treatment of the kind you might get from a doctor.

It requires you to take responsibility for wanting to solve the problem and then acting on this wish by doing something.

Discover the secrets to overcoming your difficulty with ejaculation!